February is here and whether you like it or not, love is in the air. It can smell of bitterness or it can smell as sweet as Cinnabon trying to make a cheesecake. How you approach Valentine’s Day is honestly up to your attitude. Let’s take a look at February’s horoscopes.
March 21 — April 19
An Aries never got valentines at their desk in elementary school and it shows. They’re the first ones to comment on how early it is to put out Valentine’s Day stuff in stores yet start decorating for Christmas after Halloween.
April 20 — May 20
A Taurus will embrace Valentine’s Day. By embrace, we mean they’re only there for the plethora of chocolate that will be on sale.
It won’t last them a week.
May 21 — June 20
Gemini is angry all the time, but Valentine’s Day is the one time of year they actually put forth any effort to turn that frown upside down. Of course, after Valentine’s Day is over, the frown goes back down faster than a Mr. Potato Head.
June 21 — July 22
Cancer is the type who tries to do something different than anyone else. Instead of buying
pink, they’ll buy green. Instead of milk chocolate, they’ll buy dark chocolate. They embrace the chaos. Of course, they consume it themselves and save the rest for St. Patrick’s Day.
July 23 - Aug 22
Leos will open themselves up to new romantic opportunities. They’re open, but no one’s taking them. You can’t go out and just force people to take a romantic opportunity. Remember consent, or to jail with you!
Aug23 – Sept 22
A Virgo will spend Valentine’s Day watching romantic movies on Netflix and hoping that the real world is as easy as bumping into someone on the sidewalk, having a tumultuous friendship, then realizing love was there all along.
Sept 23 - Oct 22
Libras will spend February reminiscing about past loves. They remember how warm they felt with a person they thought they loved. Of course, the person in their flashbacks ends up being Ryan Reynolds and what they’re remembering is one of his very similar romantic comedies.
Oct 23 - Nov 21
A major change is ready for a Scorpio. The love of your life might pop the question. They might also change the towels in the bathroom. Either way, it’s outside of your comfort zone so be ready to breathe through anxiety attacks.
Nov 22-Dec 21
It’s time to get out of your routine as a Sagittarius. Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working. You’re not going to the gym because you never have time, you know, with all the napping you’re doing after consuming a pound of junk food from McDonald’s. Time to get up and shed some weight, maybe then have a better February next year.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
.It’s time to open your beliefs to something new. Try accepting someone you didn’t accept before for their beliefs. Just because they are vegan doesn’t mean they should be treated like some kind of alien. You never know who you might meet and fall in love with if you open your heart to something new (just not literally open it, that could kill you).
Jan 20 - Feb 18
An Aquarius will have an easy menstrual cycle this month. Wait, men also read these? Okay, um, an Aquarius may know someone who will have an easy menstrual cycle this month. Also, clean out your closet. There’s stuff in there you can sell on Facebook marketplace. You never know who you might meet. Someone to love, someone who will rob you, the world is a beautiful place.
Feb 19 - March 20
A Pisces won’t give up this year. They may have broken all their resolutions, but it isn’t over. This is going to be the year for them. You just needed a break. Like you do every year after that one short week of motivation. You can do it. Just hold out until March. All your luck is going to change.