5 Ways To Stay On Your Feet On St. Patrick’s Day

Let’s be real here, you’re not celebrating St. Patrick’s Day and chugging glasses of water. Nobody is going to be able to walk upright because they’re basically using St. Patrick’s Day to replace their blood with alcohol. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world from the shores of Ireland to Cheviot, Ohio where you might end up confusing sheep statuary for a real one. So whether you’re getting kicked out of a bar in Dublin or crawling from Keller's to Westside Venue because you can’t stay upright, here are a couple of tips to stay on your feet this St. Patrick’s Day.

5. Prop Yourself Against A Friend

You go out drinking with friends for a reason. You need to have that safety net. Someone to catch you if you fall. Someone to keep you from making horrible decisions. Someone to keep you from waking up in a hotel somewhere in Canada with wildlife birds and a lot of questions.

4. Prop Yourself Against A Sheep

John Travolta and Matthew McConaughey were onto something when they made movies in the ’80s and ‘90s about leaning against walls in leather jackets. Try that, except instead of talking about what you like about high school girls, you can ramble like a drunk about how you never made it in life.

3. Weekend At Bernie’s

What are friends for if not to keep you on your feet like a dead old guy marionette doll? If they’re not your friends, then it could be a combination of a bartender and a cop. You only need two people.

2. Walk Around On Crutches

You probably have a pair of crutches from all the bad decisions you made when you were younger. It’s time to whip them out of the closet and have something to literally keep you on your feet.

1. Iron Suit

Iron Man was on to something. He built a suit to keep him up because his body couldn’t. He could have just been okay with having a new heart, but no, he needed his hands to shoot lasers.

Have a safe and happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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